THE PROJECTIONS OF MY ASTRAL BODY

When Anderson crossed over to the other side of existence, I felt as if my entire world had been destroyed for some unknown cruel reasons.  I felt abandoned, isolated and afraid to continue my journey here on this planet. By the way... I had always had this strange feeling within me, that I was ALONE, isolated and very fearful of something or someone, BUT, I never could figure it out?  Why?  I was considered the most popular kid in school always, either because of my artistic talents or my athletic abilities as a Runner, etc. I had lots and lots of so called friends and all the girls were crazy about me... BUT, at the same time, why did I feel so "lonely" and "isolated?"  Most of my time was cherished when I could be "alone" in "dreaming and living in a complete world of fantasy unto myself?"   Anderson had helped to open my eyes to the parts of life that I had for so long ignored in the persuits of having fun.  He had helped me to gain some independance that I was ignorant of and avoided as both a child and an adult.  He helped to show me that I and all of us are INDIVIDUALS who have to survive and move on with our journeys without fear and hesitations.  He helped me to realize that life was actually more simple in a way than I had ever imagined.   He supported me in coming to understand that I was not 100% at fault for my many shortcomings or the things that had held me back in this life.  He also embedded into me the importance of not being selfish and to increase my compassion for others living on this planet.  Being a part of my family he also made an impact apon them also.  Besides Mother, his grandmother, most of my family and friends were devastated by his sudden departure.
In the beginning of my new journey I had feelings of anger and outrage towards God.  I yelled out to God about how unfair it was to do such a thing to me.  Was this suppose to be some kind of punishment for wrong doings in my past?  How dare God do this to me..... I will not believe in you anymore, I will not trust you....... I was hysterical with my pain and grief.  I could not eat, sleep or function properly.  I wanted to just not exist anymore.  For some reason, I continued my work.  Very determined.  There was a part of me that was there that I overlooked......They say, I am a survivor?  Maybe.  For some reason in spite of my outrage, I continued to move along...... Maybe in a new direction? 
Mini-Mom was like a mountain of strength!  Patricia was now dealing heavily with Mother and Me.  She supported me with great concern by attempting to be sure that I kept up with things.  She took an interest in my new Metaphysical studies and often referred new materials or information she might come across to help me with my search.
I had something new on my agenda.  MAKE CONTACT WITH ANDERSON.  But how???  Waiting, looking, hoping, searching, etc.  Something or someone spoke to me in my head.......PRAY and something new for you, MEDITATION.  (I discovered Meditation was somewhat the same as Praying).  I also discovered little by little information about The Out of Body Experience.  Voices or thoughts came into my head from day to day........ Those strange dreams you had as a boy, were they really "dreams" or what?  Investigate.  Find out.  How?  I knew, just ask.  Ask my brother, ask my sister, ask them........ Did this or that ever happen to you when you were a little boy or girl?  Their answers were the same, NO.  Why me and not them?  Why did they not have these strange experiences?  One time while inquiring about these strange things with my brother he interrupted and said, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THOSE KINDS OF THINGS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, I SUGGEST YOU ASK MOTHER.  I did.  She knew.  Only problem.  She was horrified about all of it.  Did not wish to speak of it at that time.  Too scared.  Okay, I had become determined at that point.  I am going to find Anderson and I am going to find out about a lot of things that I have questions about....... My first book, THE PROJECTION OF THE ASTRAL BODY by Sylvan Muldoon and Hereward Carrington absolutely got me fascinated and more determined.  Shakti Gawain and Kelly Howell's meditation became like food and water to me.  WORK , WORK, WORK..........that was the key, it was not easy.  Why?  Because I was out of practice that is why.......it was like going to the gym for the mind , but not the gym for the body.  I found the gym for the mind.  MEDITATION.
Only one problem.  Nothing was happening that was "different" to me that was giving me the impression that I was going to have a contact with Anderson.  Nothing, absolutely, nothing was happening?  But, I must say, sometimes I got frightened when I would meditate.  Seems I started to get that feeling that something or someone might appear in my apartment out of nowhere and I was alone.  Yikes!  I did not like that feeling.  (By the way......in the future I realized, that was one of the reasons, NOTHING HAPPENED!  I was not ready for something happening, Aahahahhaha....It would probably have scared the shit outta me if Anderson who was suppose to be "dead"  suddenly walked into a room, Aahahhahaha!  And to believe, this was what I really was suppose to want to happen.  BUT.......yes, it would have scared the hell outta me when I thought about it later when I became more advanced with my awareness of what was going on.)
However, one day after several months had passed.....I was sitting in my most comfortable chair in the living room, not thinking about anything.  My mind was totally clear and calm and I was just sitting there for no apparent reason whatsoever.......Suddenly, I thought I saw a shadow or something move upwards off of the right arm-rest of the chair I was sitting in...... I did not have to move my head, because for some strange reason, I could "see" on either side of me and even behind my head very clearly???  Then I saw my right hand and arm move upwards from the arm-rest.  It was not my physical hand and arm, it was  like a "negative or high-grain copy of my own hand and arm coming out of my physical hand and arm......But, it felt more "real" than my physical hand and arm....It was floating upwards like air and I was sitting there starting to grin......I felt like this was so very funny!  I could not understand?  The more it floated upwards into the air out of my physical hand and arm, the more I was beginning to laugh.  Suddenly, without thought, I could hear myself yell out without actually physically speaking, IT'S TRUE!  IT'S REALLY TRUE WHAT THEY SAID IN CHURCH!  YOU LIVE FOREVER!!!  I have no idea why I was so elated and yelling this in my mind, but I was saying those exact words......And at the same time I believe I was thinking.......WOW, THIS IS NOT ME, THAT'S ME!  This all happened within seconds or less if there is such a thing, but I was feeling like the happiest person in the world.  This was the happiest moment of my life!  It was over in seconds and I was laughing my ass off............. I could not remember having ever seen anything like this in my entire life, except maybe in movies or something.  This was just AMAZING!!!!!!!!
More later...............

Love and Light!
Marshall