OPEN YOUR MIND..... WIDER!!!

The things we will discover by doing so, will sometimes be amazing!=)
Our spiritual awareness rises far above narrow physical perceptions and we begin to "see" there is so much more going on in our worlds of existence.
I told you that as a small boy I had been molested both sexually and mentally by a relative.  But as a little boy I had been able to push it deep into the back of my mind.  Not remembering which male member it was for so long in my life.
With time as I have mentioned in my previous blog, I am not really sure as to the absolute results if those events. My gifts of metaphysical abilities were heightened due to trauma or inherited from Mother?  In any case, as I said, I was put into a hospital for observation and treatment for an "unknown nervous" condition which I seemed to develop.
My parents were enabled to put me in one of the finest hospitals in New York City, due to the generosity of a great and wonderful family, whom both my Mother and Father were working for many years.  They loved my parents and my family very much and always especially loved, Mother!
During my stay in the hospital for several months of tests and observations, etc.  There was one physician who visited me just about every day.  And every day he would sexually molest me.  It was a very, very uncomfortable experience because I blamed myself for his actions. (I was a child suspecting these examinations that he would perform were strange and wrong?)  In my mind, I was under the impression, that somehow, someway, he "knew" that I had been abused and this was his opportunity to do likewise.
He would always ask me the same question:  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?  HOW DOES IT FEEL?  I was horrified to answer. I would think to myself, WHAT DO I SAY?  IF I SAY I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU ARE DOING, HE MIGHT SAY I AM LYING.  I DON'T WANT HIM TO CALL ME A LIAR.  IF I SAY I LIKE IT, I WILL BE A AWFUL LITTLE BOY.  So, I always answered the same:  NOTHING I GUESS?  IT'S ALRIGHT I GUESS?  (I was so afraid of him....I did not hate him, I just was always praying he would leave as soon as possible!)
I always dreaded his arrivals and became very nervous and timid when he would enter the room and close the curtains.  Did it change my sexual development in any way?  NO......it made me sad and ask the question to myself for many years, DID I DESERVE THIS TREATMENT?  WAS I ASKING FOR THESE UGLY ACTS UPON MY PHYSICAL BODY?  I had been admitted into a place for treatment and it seemed uncanny that I was once again being further injured by the same actions?
I remember once, my Mother and Father came to visit me and he had just entered my room within minutes before their arrival.  I saw them outside of the glass windows and was happy.  The doctor immediately told them that they would have to wait a few minutes because he had to do something.
He closed the curtains so that they could view nothing and he performed as usual his abusive sexual act upon a young boy.  ME.  
Afterwards, he opened the curtains and greeted my parents and invited them into my room and departed.
The first question out of Mother's mouth to me was, WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?  (My Father seemed oblivious)  But, Mother was a woman and a loving mother.  I knew she loved me very much and she cared so much about my welfare.  I quickly said, OH, HE EXAMINED ME.  The subject was dropped.
Did I become the VICTIM and carry these secrets inside of me and blame my parents for their neglect or inappropriate rearing of their child?  Nope.
Here once again I ask the question to be considered:  WAS THIS PHYSICIAN INVOLVED IN A CONTRACT TO PERFORM A DISTURBING ACT UPON ME AS A YOUNG CHILD, DUE TO THE PLAN WE HAD MADE BEFORE COMING HERE, BECAUSE MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I WAS GOING TO BE PORTRAYING THE OTHER CHARACTER THAT I MIGHT HAVE ABUSED IN ANOTHER LIFETIME?  Was I to experience the feelings of sadness and despair of a small child that I "might" have abused in another lifetime?  In order to grow spiritually.  To advance my soul.
I ask this question to be considered because so many have become VICTIMS and ruined their journey when moving forward by becoming "stuck" with this situation?
Even though I did not like it or felt sad and helpless...I MOVED ON!  I survived and continued to move on forward to find new adventures in my life on this planet, without permitting myself to become a VICTIM!
In closing, WAS THIS PHYSICIAN/SPIRIT PERFORMING AN ACT THAT HAD "ONCE BEEN DONE TO HIM? 
More later,
Love and Light!
Marshall